Never Ending Battle Called Life!

So I'm sitting here at 12:14am wishing I could just go to bed but I can't. I have a lot on my mind.....The past I would say semester has been a tough one. I feel like I'm in a never ending battle. If its not one thing it’s another. I'm not sure how to handle all of it. The beginning of this semester I realized I've been running from music! So then finally I surrendered that to God and now look I'm in a praise band at church with my sister and David. It honestly happened over night one weekend and it exploded. Now we lead every Sunday night for church and we are starting (hopefully) next week leading music for the youth on Wednesday nights. I really enjoy it! Sometimes it’s hard because of different things but God knows those reasons! So that's the first bump or whatever you want to call it... Then the second, I have a friend who will remain nameless, but for the sake of it we will call him Jim Bob. Well Jim Bob and I dated once he’s a really good guy but we are two different so it wouldn't work. Long story short I'm a Christian and he's not so I basically had to end the friendship because he wanted more and I didn't. That was really hard for me to do but no one said it would be easy. Third, I've been struggling with why I’m still at BCF mainly because I'm worried about how I’m going to finish school. Why you may ask well one money wise, two family, and three spiritual warfare, etc........... I know, I know, God will provide trust me I know and he has so far. I just hate getting student loans out. I’m 22 years old and when I graduate I’m going to be in debt already! I’ve been trying to move off campus that would help yes. But this fall semester I have no clue how I’m going to pay I have NOTHING! Fourthly I found out last night I got a letter in the mail from Camp saying they would not be offering me a job this summer. Honestly when I got it I was in complete and total shock. I had to read it twice to believe it. But yep that’s what it said. I didn’t tell many people because honestly I didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it. So I was in the cafeteria so I told my friend KP I was going to get my food to go (never did eat it haha). So I came back to my room. When I got to my car I lost it. I finally was able to cry (thanks God in a way I hate the circumstances though). I’m so confused. I have no clue why so it hurts bad I won’t lie. Some people tell me ask why. But what’s done is done there nothing I can do. A lot of people are trying to get me to talk but of course I won’t. I’m writing on here but no one reads this anyways so I’m getting it off my chest this way lol. I know I’ve stayed in my room a lot this semester and kept to myself but that because one I’ve been sick half the time (still am) and I cant stand immature people so I like being by myself for now no offense. I’m really trying to be positive and think of it this way; God has a plan and it must be a pretty good one but I just don’t see it right now. It’s crazy my friend Lydia just found out she’s not going to China this summer well now I know what it feels like. I need to take my own advice but honestly I didn’t know what to say to her lol…

I know God never puts us in situations that he hasn’t yet prepared us for but I really pray this will all soon be over because to be honest with you I’m not sure how much more I can handle. I’m broken and crying out that God would comfort me and I know he has to be in a way because I know he’s here with me. Just pray for me and direction for my life because now it’s all up in the air. I’m tired of not knowing what’s going on. I use to feel as though God was testing me to teach me to lean on him but I’ve been trying to do that and still am so now I’m not to sure what he’s trying to get me to learn! So yeah I’ve been wanting to update and now I have so I’m going to head to bed now. Don’t feel sorry or anything for me because God does have a plan this is just me clearing some stuff off of my chest. Has it worked kind of but time will heal all wounds.

Until next time lean on him cause He’s all that you have!
Sierra